


Confessions and A Side of Fries

by orphan_account



Series: Freakin' Sweet! Alternate Continuity Family Guy [1]
Category: Family Guy
Genre: M/M, Might be the start of a miniseries?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:38:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3874213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it was the smile on his face or the fact that he clearly was taking more after his mom (whom he still hated to death as he'd be glad to remind anyone within earshot) who wasn't exactly bad on the appearance front herself, or maybe it was just from so many times of saying 'yes, that's my wife, no, that's not a child in a dress and wig' to god-knows-who they were having to fool that day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessions and A Side of Fries

He'd kind of known it - well, hadn't known it exactly, at least not consciously at first. So perhaps he didn't, but he always kind of had a feeling, one that was almost impossible to shake no matter how much he tried. And he hated it like no other, considering the circumstances, even if it was subconscious hate. Perhaps that was why he made him out to be the worst person possible. An absolute bastard, spoiled brat, complete hateful prick who deserved every inch of pain he got and more, yet he still spent time with him...out of pity, of course. And the fact that it was impossible to hang out with his so-called real best friend due to the fact that one of his best friend's friends hated the life out of him for reasons that admittedly made a bit of sense...but repentance wasn't working no matter how much he tried.

So at some point he'd gone 'fuck it, I'll just hang out with your son instead even if I hate him(?)'.

 And it had been that way ever since, despite quite a few more awkward moments. There were quite a few of those, to be honest. So he'd had to have seen it coming from somewhere, but somewhere around the kid's 9th birthday, it finally hit him.

_Oh my fucking God._

Maybe it was the smile on his face or the fact that he clearly was taking more after his mom (whom he still hated to death as he'd be glad to remind anyone within earshot) who wasn't exactly bad on the appearance front herself, or maybe it was just from so many times of saying 'yes, that's my wife, no, that's not a child in a dress and wig' to god-knows-who they were having to fool that day.

_No. No. That's not a thing. That's....that's sick. He's a kid, for chrissakes! And I'm not even into...males. Well. No, that last part could probably be ignored, but still, I don't want to turn into that creepy old fucker (who somehow isn't dead yet, why) who creeps on every boy that comes by._

Perhaps that was one of the reasons why the first time the creepy elderly man began making moves towards Stewie, he'd outright bitten him and started barking as loudly as he could. It'd gotten him put on a leash for a bit, but the slightly smug-yet oddly affectionate grin he'd gotten from the boy and the fact that he cut his leash not too long after made it all worth it. 

_It's not every boy, at least, it's just...him. Okay. I'm stronger than this. I can just...ignore it and it'll go away. Maybe. Hopefully._

It didn't.

And it all came to a climax one day they were at McDonalds - he'd gotten babysitting duty again, the 'young adults' were out with their friends (what little friends they had), and Peter and Lois were having a private night at the house, so that left them both again. 

"You know, I can go over to someone else's house too. I mean, I've got friends. Well. Not friends, more like servants, but you get the point."

"It's fine. Besides, I--"

"Oh, right. You'd be lonely without me around? Yeah? Yeah. You'd be lonely." _Insufferable smug prick._

"Whatever." _Be glad that I...care about you._

"Knew it."

That's how it all ended with them in a McDonalds, sitting near the childrens playscape, with Stewie getting the traditional kids meal ("Hey, smaller portions and a toy, I don't get fat and I get something in return, everybody wins.") and Brian getting a burger which he was only half-eating while listening to the boy.

"So that's about when I locked the teacher out of the classroom and declared anarchy. Then it all really got...real. I'll bet Meg and Chris didn't do anything half as marvelous in their school days as that. Just another reason why I'm essentially dictator of the classroom despite the detentio--Brian, are you paying attention?" Brian had taken to dwelling on the subject of 'oh no he's hot' in his mind more than he'd liked to, and it only escalated when they were alone, disgustingly. He could only imagine that one day he'd just out and say it and get it over and done with. "...I swear, at times, you're worse than the fat man when it comes to spacing out, and that's an impressive record to hold. One that's damn near unbreakable. Still a possibility, though. What are you even thinking about? Picking up some bar skank when you're not babysitting me? Using my cuteness to attract desperate women who like a man who's good with kids? Want some MILF tail, B-Ri? Yeah, you'd probably like tha--"

"I think I'm in love with you."

And that just slipped out. Brian instantly froze, realizing what he'd said, and Stewie froze in unison, slowly raising a brow.

"...Pardon?" Stewie stared for a few minutes, his eyes the size of saucers before quickly nodding and smugly grinning once more. "Oh! OH. Yue? Y-u-e. Some kind of Japanese chick, I take it? Ahh. Asian women are good in bed, I've heard, they learn to please very well, not to be racist, but it's true....I'll be damned, for a second there I thought you meant that you were in love with me..."

It's now or never, honestly. May as well finish what you started like an idiot and go all the way down the creeper slope.

"Except that's exactly what I meant."

"Oh, that's what I expe--...wait, what?" The boy froze again, blinking. "You mean you're--you're just saying this to get a reaction out of me, right? Are you filming this?" He frowned. "I'm not that stupid, you know that."

"Yes, I know that! That's why I'm not doing this to get a reaction." The dog pinched the bridge of his forehead. "Besides, if I filmed this, I'd be the one coming off like a freak, alright? Because I am because I'm in love with you and I've known you since you were born, yet I'm still using every dumbass excuse in the book to stay near you."

"..." An awkward silence. "...You're serious?"

"One-hundred-percent. I just....I had to say it. We don't have to talk about this ever again, we can just--"

"FUCKING FINALLY!" It was almost like he'd instantly teleported to his side and wrapped his arms around him in a hug. "God, took you long enough!"

"....You were waiting for something like that?"

"You're really dense, you know that? Yes. I was. For 8 years. 8 years -- I mean, yeah, by this point I'd figured that you weren't ever going to be...I mean, I thought you knew! And yet somehow here you are, expecting me to laugh at you or something like that, and I am, mind you, but not in the way you were no doubt expecting..." Stewie grinned, hugging him tightly. "In case you haven't realized, yes, I love you too."

Oh.

Well.

"Yeah, I'm an idiot." He let out a sigh, hugging him in return. "Ugh, this is going to get me into so much shit..."

"It's alright, if the fat man and Lois find out, we just have to be clear - no sex until I'm legal and no, we're not being too public with it. Not enough to be put on any watchlists anyway. Of course, we just have to say these things, no promises that we'll keep to it, but it's probably not a good idea anyway because I'm not quite sure if I could keep myself standing a whole day with excuses...but needless to say, we have to keep things cool when the fat man's ugly friends are over. Especially the one that hates you, because he'd damn well turn you in. Ah well." He snuggled into him. "We'll manage. I mean." He paused. "If you'd like to. You know. Try somethi--"

"Yes!" ...Perhaps that was a bit too eager judging by the amused chuckling that ensued.

"Just had to make sure. Oh, and no more nailing stupid women for kicks, alright? I'll get jealous, and we'll end up with a body we have to bury." The scary part was that he was most likely entirely serious, knowing him. 

"Yeah, I know, I wouldn't, anyway."

"Good. Besides...if you need any of that, I can be your personal Dolores Haze anytime we're alone..." Oh, goddammit. And there went the mental pictures. "...pff, getting a few mental pictures there? I don't even really need to ask, I can just let the fact that something definitely is poking me in my side speak for itself." 

_FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK._

"Hum. Wonder how you'd feel if I put my hand--"

"Please don--nngh."

"Pffhahahaha. This is going to be too much fun."

And despite the teasing that was sure to follow, it was exactly what he'd wanted. 

 


End file.
